If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
