He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He better not be in your backpack
Can you bring me the toilet please
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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