Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
