Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
