You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize