He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
