i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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