She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
