Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
