They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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