just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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