Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
