bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
