I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
