Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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