I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
