omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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