drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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