I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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