i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize