Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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