I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
NoShamevember. You game?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
