I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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