I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Green mimosas i think yes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
