Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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