She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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