Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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