So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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