Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
