I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
