Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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