need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
