dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
