This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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