Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
