u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize