Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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