She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
