Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
