i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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