i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
