dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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