Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
