i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
