who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
