Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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