The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
