Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
