my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
