I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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