My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
