Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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