how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
