He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
