I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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