I wannas sexs uuuuu
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
