I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
