I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
