You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
