i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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