I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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