I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
