apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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