What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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