If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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