My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
