Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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