i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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