I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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