we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
