Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
