You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize